Breaking away from it all - My weekend in London

My life has been pretty hectic recently and although it is simmering down a little my annual trip to London couldn't have come at a better time. I make the trip to London every April to celebrate the birth of my two best, best, best friends, in the world ever! Well, there are five of us in total and usually we travel together but we're all grown up now, working hard so it's little more difficult than it has been to coordinate and arrange for us all to go together. 

Arriving on the Friday afternoon with my girl Steph we met up with fellow blogger and bestie Lumie on her lunch break from Google headquarters, for quick cuddles, giggles and to pick up the keys to our home for the weekend. A simple, but homely Soho-based apartment. We couldn't have been closer to the action if we tried.

Steph and I had a little mooch around while we waited for Lumes to finish work. We spent a lifetime in Monki, which is now my FAVOURITE shop. It's so bright and colourful. I have to admit my initial thoughts were that I'd see a million things I liked and not be able to find my size. Fortunately for me Monki is chubby-girl friendly and I pretty much bought the entire store.

Friday evening we got ready and headed out to Chotto Matte which is a trendy restaurant/bar serving Sushi-style mini plates for sharing with friends. Great atmosphere, great service, good food. The set up was a little weird and I didn't like how the food was served, which is all I have to complain about. It was a tad confusing and really unnecessary, I feel like I spent half of my time there asking 'Is that my portion or yours?' That being said, some of the dishes were gorgeous and some not to my liking. The service was good, atmosphere was very buzzy and for me it was a great place to kick off our Friday night. Would I go back? Absolutely!

After Chotto Matte we head over to Archer Street, a lush Soho Cocktail Bar. Lumes couldn't have picked a better place for us to end our night. We spent the night dancing to great music and every few songs a group of professional singers would get up on stage (or the nearest table) and belt out some chart favourites. You have to try this place out!

The following day we woke early ate breakfast at Gails Kitchen and head back out shopping. It was the perfect day, we walked for hours! We talked, we laughed, we ate some more. I even tried a garlic-infused shot from Garlic and Shots, a cute dive-style bar with an amazing, little beer garden. We obviously stopped at Kiko (my favourite make up store) and even had our own blogger OOTD-style fashion shoot, my pictures can be found on Lumies blog. We ended our hours of walking with dinner at Hummus bro's where we sat by the window and watched the world go by.

We head out again that night after spending more time back at the apartment talking, taking our time to get ready. Typical of us our night was super-random. We ended up on the back of a Tuk Tuk drinking Prosecco. In fact the majority of the night was spent on the back of a Tuk Tuk drinking Prosecco, but it was all in good fun and the best time was had by all.

Anyway, I'll let my pictures do the talking. Enjoy :)

Hairloss Update - Fast Shampoo & Jamaican Black Castor Oil

It's been a while since I updated you guys last with regards to the whole hair situation. Since my last post my hair took a bit of a turn for the worse, well when I say a turn for the worse what I really mean is there were no changes. Still falling out, still very dry and breaking and some growth but not enough. 

I was using Shea Moisture Shampoo, conditioner and thickening mist along with Sweet Almond oil to begin with. I found that over time the condition of my hair hadn't really improved, which is a little bit of a contradiction since in my last post I was over the moon with the products I was using. I personally think the products were good but just not good enough. I'm impatient and after over 8 weeks of routine weekly washes and oil treatments with not much change I felt as though I needed to up my game in order to restore my hair back to the thick, full, long head of hair I once had. 

The Shea Moisture treatments are good because they contain only natural ingredients I just feel as though they may work better on already natural hair. I on the other hand still have a while to go before the relaxer in my hair has completely grown out. The last time I relaxed was December/January time and I although I do have new and completely natural growth the Shea Moisture in my opinion was great for the natural hair but the relaxed hair needed something a little more to keep it healthy and growing so until my hair is 100% natural I don't think this brand of shampoo is really what I need. With regards to the Almond oil, I found it far too oily to use everyday and the natural hair I do have literally soaked up every last drop of oil and was dry within less than a day. This meant I had to keep topping up more than once a day which really wasn't good for my scalp, as I believe the oil along with the weekly washes really irritated my scalp clogging up the follicles causing more pain. Again if my hair was either fully relaxed or fully natural the system I had going may have worked a little better. I also tried Coconut Oil which a lot of people swear by but for me the only benefit I got from using that was my hair smelling like cake, which really wasn't that great because it somehow induced my craving for cake and whilst I sat stuffing half a Victoria sponge in my face I kind of realised I needed to move on a find an alternative. 

Around two weeks ago I made the decision to go fully natural. Yep! No relaxer, no perm, no nothing. Just my fuzzy, little microphone head. My hair was still coming out and when brushing I could literally hear the hair snapping, even with a wide-tooth comb which is never good. My natural hair (once it grows back) will be stronger, thicker and can withstand pretty much anything which is why this decision for me is best. I had also noticed that although I do have some growth I have a slight patch to the back left hand side of my head. My hair at the front is still pretty long and feels strong enough and minus some loss to the very front of my head this area seems to be doing okay. Towards the middle and back of my head that's where the problem is. This is the area I am experiencing HELLISH pain and this is the area the hair is falling out most.

Two weeks ago I cut my hair in order to get some kind of even length so when my hair grows back it'll grow at a similar length at the time I was still using the Shea Moisture trio this time with the Coconut oil over Almond oil. 

Last week I switched to NISIM Fast Shampoo and conditioner which was sent to me by the company after being contacted by a rep via Twitter. I have had this shampoo for a few months but I hadn't used it as I was worried it wouldn't agree with my hair. I had initially seen this product in Boots when I began the mission to restore and regrow my hair but didn't buy it as I thought it'd be better for me to go with something aimed for the sole use of people with Afro hair. Before receiving the product I had a little chat with the lovely lady from the company who found me on Twitter, who reassured me she had used it herself with relaxed hair and that the product would be fine on my hair type. As reassuring as she was I was still massively worried about using it so both myself and Ben set about finding some reviews from people with the same hair-type as me who had used the product. Our findings were, according to the word of YouTube Vlogs and blogs that this product would be safe for me to use with a lot of women having great success. Fast Shampoo contains no Sulphates, Parabens or DEA it does however have a long list of ingredients which weren't found in the Shea Moisture products but maybe these ingredients are exactly what my hair needed in order to break out of this tiring and emotionally draining issue. 

I kind of felt like I had nothing to lose at this point so went ahead and gave my hair it's first wash using both the shampoo and conditioner. I was pleasantly surprised as after my first lather and rinse my hair and scalp felt like they could breathe, both felt super-clean and when I ran my fingers through I could hear that squeak you get when something is so clean it gives out a little squeak to let you know. If my hair could talk, at that moment it would have been like, 'Ooooh Gurrrrrrrrl!' Not only does the Shampoo smell beautiful it lathers up so well, something I found Shea Moisture struggled with especially with the amount of oil I used. I lathered and rinsed three times before adding the Fast conditioner which absolutely does the trick. There was no need to use more than two squirts of this applied to my wet hair. The conditioner feels great, it doesn't just sit on the surface of the hair like most it really soaks in which is what I need. I applied all over my hair, with extra care and attention being paid to the areas needing the most help. I massaged in for a few minutes before covering with my very attractive shower cap. No honestly, words can't even describe how absolutely ridiculous I look waltzing around the house in a foil cap. If lightning ever strikes during my hair care routine, wearing that foil shower cap I've got no chance. I'm getting struck with no chance of survival. I look like I should be in a lab handling bio-hazards wearing that thing! I left the conditioner in for 30 minutes before rinsing out with lukewarm water.

I'm now drying my hair on the coolest setting whereas before I was using a medium heat, which was probably contributing to the dryness. Since lowering the temperature even more I find my hair is less dry and retains a lot of the moisture left from conditioning. 

In terms of oils I am now using Jamaican Black Castor oil which I am absolutely in love with. The oil itself is great for nourishing the hair and for helping with hair growth. It's lovely and thick so it really absorbs into my hair keeping it shiny and moist. My hair hasn't been dry since using this product. I received an applicator with the oil which has allowed me to add essential oils in order help treat my hair, ingredients below:

Jamaican Black Castor Oil, 60ml: Promotes hair growth, reduces loss, nourishes and adds shine

Essential Lavender Oil, 6 drops: Conditions, stops itchy/dry scalp, controls loss/improves growth

Essential Tea Tree Oil, 10 drops: Antibacterial, good for hair follicles

Essential Rosemary Oil, 4 drops: Slows down premature hair loss, stimulates follicles 

  

I add just the Castor oil to my hair while it's wet before blow drying and then I section my hair into parts, using the nozzle of the applicator bottle to add the Castor/Essential oil mixture to my scalp. I then massage through to the ends of my hair making sure everything is covered. I am now washing every other day with a weekly deep/hot oil treatment using the Castor/Essential oil mixture. So far, fingers crossed everything seems to be going well which I'm really happy with. 

I've also (finally) had my bloods done after over two months of waiting. Everything appeared to be fine, minus my hormone levels. As I guessed my testosterone levels are pretty high, I knew but needed this to be confirmed. My doctor wants to keep a check on this and wants me to go back for more tests in a month. She checked my hair and said there is definitely new growth at the back which is also good. With regards to the extreme pain in my scalp, this is due to the increased testosterone level. She said there is a possibility my hair follicles are blocked which is caused by the hormone imbalance, in turn causing the hair to fall out, minimising regrowth. She was also really concerned with my stress levels and blood pressure (that's another blog post) and wanted for me to take some time out of work to relax because the stress isn't good for my condition and definitely isn't good when I'm already experiencing hair-loss. Although the loss isn't stress-related she didn't want to take any chances. I've refused to take time off because if I'm being honest I'm happiest when I'm at work and although things outside of work are a little tough at the minute I feel as though 'Onwards and Upwards' is the best option for me right now (I'll talk more about this in my next post.) 

My Doctor did prescribe Nizoral 2% shampoo to help treat the scalp and the scalp pain. I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing for now as this shampoo contains Sulphates and herbal remedies are always my first option. She also asked whether I'd consider a pill to help with the hair-growth, which I knew she would. I'd already done my research on this pill earlier in the year. It's a contraceptive pill with a tonne of other side effects I honestly have no time to deal with, it's also no good for people with a history of high blood pressure/anxiety/depression/stress. Suffering with PCOS means there's a chance I won't be able to conceive naturally so for me right now I don't think taking this pill will help me in any way. That's a no go for me. 

I've decided to continue doing what I'm doing along with regular exercise and making sure I stick to a LOW GI diet there shouldn't be any reason for my hair not to grow back. 

This has already been one heck of a journey and I still have a long way to go but I'm positive I can fight this and hopefully the next time I post about my hair I'll be letting you guys know how well I'm doing. 

I really want to say thank you to the women who suffer from PCOS or hair-loss who have been in contact with me I LOVE talking to you all and again if I can help anyone then I feel as though my my purpose is served. It's a lovely feeling knowing you are able to approach me and I urge you to continue. A problem shared is a problem halved. 

Lots of Love

Beanie xoxo

21 Questions - Get To Know Me

1. Are you named after anyone? 

I'm named after my Dads favourite Charlie's Angel Sabrina from the original TV show. Despite my Dads love for her my Mum thought he said Sabina *No R* so although I consider myself Sabrina now for years I went by the name Sabina for years at school and that's what is on my passport. Growing up my Dads side of family called me Sabrina and my Mums side calling me Sabina. No wonder I'm such a confused and crazy soul! Nowadays everyone calls me Beans, simple.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I cried about an hour ago, watching Emmerdale. I rarely watch soaps but my Mum and Nan love them so every now and again I'll make dinner and we'll settle to watch Corrie and Emmerdale together.

3. Do you have kids?
I don't, unless my Mum counts lol. I feel like I gave birth to her and sometimes when we bicker she'll ask 'Who's the Mum and who's the daughter?' The Mother is clearly me, having her is like having a child sometimes. I do think and talk about having children in the future but right now I'm the happiest I've ever been. Adding a little human would change a lot and I'm not ready for my life to stop being about me. I have so much love to give and when I'm done loving myself I'll be more than happy to start my little family. 

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? 

I seem to attract new friends easily and I often wonder what they actually see in me. Ben tells me all the time that I have a really positive energy and I'm fun to be around. I don't really see it but I guess it's because I'm just being myself and I'm acting in a way that's normal for me. I would definitely want to be a friend of myself because I consider myself a really good friend.

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Absolutely not. Sarcasm is a really long and obnoxious way of letting somebody else know they're stupid. I don't really fancy it. 

6. Will you ever bungee-jump? 
Never. I'd be that one person in the history of all humanity to be killed by simply contemplating bungee-jumping.

7. What’s your favourite cereal? 

I really love Kallo Wholegrain Breakfast Puffs. It's honestly the most boring cereal ever, really healthy and really filling. I like it with unsweetened Almond milk and Blueberries.

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? 
I always notice bogey's. It's like my eyes are instantly drawn to peoples nostrils. It's an illness, it has to be. And as if that isn't bad enough, I feel the need to try and remove it with anything other than my hand, whilst telling them they have booger situation. Yesterday in Waitrose I tried to shove a piece of paper up my friends nostril to remove a bogey.. I think it's because I'm not that tall, I can really see right up there. I also notice really bad brows.

9. What is your eye colour? 
Brown. Sometimes really light and sometimes almost black.

10. Scary movie or happy endings?

It depends on my mood.   

11. Favourite smells?  

Marc Jacobs everything. And tobacco, it reminds me of my Grandad. I love the smell of book pages and the smell of a freshly painted house. My boyfriend smells delicious like a baby and I love the smell of my Mum and Nan, they seem to go for similar perfumes, very feminine and grown up. Also the smell of  cakes baking, really homely and comforting.

12. Summer or Winter?
Winter! 

13. Computer or television?

Probably equal amounts of both although I only watch TV when I choose a film to watch. The things on TV nowadays do absolutely nothing for me other than make me want to put my fist through the screen.

14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home?

New York is the furthest I've been from home. Or Jamaica? I'm not sure. My geography is a joke, I'm going to go with Jamaica, because I had to get two planes which means it could be further than New York.

 

15. Do you have any special talents?  

Baking! I'm quite a good singer (cringe), I write and I'm okay at doing makeup, cooking and I LOVE photography. 

16. Where were you born?

Manchester, UK.

  

17. What are your hobbies?
Baking, Pole dance, fitness, singing, writing, photography. I'm currently obsessed with Ancient Mayans so I'm doing a lot of reading about them. I pick new things up really easily because I have a passion for learning. New too old to learn.

18. Do you have any pets?
I don't. I've been looking for a black cat for years and haven't found the perfect one yet. I had a goldfish called Klaus I had him for 10 years. He was HUGE and quite intelligent. 

19. Favourite movie?

Far too many to choose. I love Withnail and I and I LOVE Jumping Jack Flash! I have so many it's unreal. I think I own over 200 DVD's. I've seen them all more than once. I probably watch at least 6 films a week and I'm forever at the cinema. 

 

20. Do you have any siblings?
I have half siblings, one brother and three sisters, we share the same Pops. I do however consider myself an only child. I love my family unconditionally but there's more to being a sibling than sharing the same surname. When I do have children, they'll be bonded by trust, loyalty, and love something that doesn't just come from sharing the same parent/parents. I have four very best friends who have been through everything with me, we don't share blood or parents but they know me inside-out and I consider them my sisters. I also have an older cousin who means the absolute world to me, we were brought up together and I know I can call on her for absolutely anything, another sister right there.

21. What do you want to be when you grow up?
An inspiration to others, successful by my own standards and insanely happy. 

Hope you enjoyed! I know this isn't really  TAG kind of post, but I'd really like for my sissy Lumie to do this so head over to her blog and hopefully she's taken part!!

Love Beanie xoxo

PCOS - How I'm Dealing with Hair Loss

It's been a while since I began the journey to restore my hair to what it was before, about 8 weeks now. I have really put off writing this post because I feel a really low about losing my hair and I guess writing this is kind of confirmation that it's happening. Since blogging I've had a lot of response from people especially over on Facebook which is lovely! In cases like this it's bitter-sweet because I'm sad for anyone dealing with similar issues and those able to relate to posts like this, but it's nice that I'm able to talk with you and share advice which is the side to blogging I really enjoy. I figured I'd find the courage to write this post in the hope that if it helps at least one person then it's a job well done.

I've not gone into much detail about my personal battle with PCOS (short for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) you can find more information here, I'll dedicate another post which will go into a bit more detail.

I first noticed my hair was thinning about two years ago. This was after a course of Metformin given to me by my Doctor to regulate my insulin levels which in turn would assist in weightloss. I had put the hair-loss back then down to the Metformin and chose to stop taking them. I had a little cry, got over it and assumed my hair would just grow back. For a few months after I continued to weave my hair which was normal for me, I had been weaving for a fair few years and never had any problems. I haven't weaved my hair in over a year as I had made the decision when I started my new job to have my hair as natural as possible. Natural for me is relaxing (opposite to a perm) every 6 or so weeks with a very mild relaxer. Although I've been walking around looking like an Easter egg it has felt really good being able to see and treat my natural hair plus it meant I had extra money to spend on shoes each month! 

I've always had the thickest hair and it always grew just past my shoulders. My hairdresser used to say my hair hurt her hands when she braided it, it was that strong. So around 8 weeks back to look in the mirror and notice my hair had completely fallen out was a shock to me. How had I missed the signs? I hadn't even noticed that at least half of my hair has fallen out! I'd gone from looking like the spawn of Afroman to Gollum's ugly sister! I can laugh about it now because I honestly don't see the point in crying plus stressing will only make it worse.


























My hair has is probably a quarter of what I had before. I used to plait my hair into four when conditioning and each plait was probably as thick as one plait would be for some people. Now my entire head is  probably half of that quarter.

My hair was dry, brittle and breaking and I couldn't understand why. At least the first time I knew the loss occurred due to the medication I was taking but this time there was no medication to blame. I decided to make some notes on any changes I could have missed over the past year because if I was going to approach my doctor with this issue I had to make sure I had all the facts. As any woman with PCOS will tell you, the amount of times we are fobbed off by Doctors is unbelievable.

While I sat on my lunch break making notes I had ruled out the possibility of the loss being down to any extensions, because I hadn't had a weave in so long, I thought it could possibly be the relaxing, as unhealthy as this can be for your hair, this is something I've had done for years, so the chances of that were slim, however this went on to my maybe pile. Soon enough it came to me, I'm always in a lot of pain right in the centre of my scalp, handfuls of hair would come out daily and the patches just weren't not normal. I knew it was down to my condition. I googled and looked for other people dealing with the same and it was there in black and white...PCOS! 

Apparently many women living with PCOS suffer with thinning and lost hair due an increase in the Testosterone/DHT hormone, which is completely ironic because here I am taking all the measures possible so I don't end up looking like the bearded lady, (another symptom of PCOS, excessive hair growth) yet the hair on my head is falling out! Sods Law really isn't it? Beautiful beard, bald head! The next step was to get my notes together and set off on my whirlwind (the wind that I no longer feel blowing through my hair) adventure to restore my hair back to full health.

I did visit my GP who tried to pass it off as stress, after she tried to usher me out of the room because apparently she can only deal with one issue per visit. I was so angry with her, and after years of being tossed to one side I stood my ground. I asked her if she'd like to pay for my time away from work for another appointment, and I made it clear that I don't ever visit the surgery more than twice a year, sometimes never. I explained to her that I didn't really want to be there and that I'd sooner utilise every single method of holistic therapy before being pumped full of whatever she was going to prescribe which I had already researched and found out it can cause cancer and long term kidney damage amongst other gruesome side-effects. I wanted to be clear in my expectations and what I wanted her to do as my GP. I told her I'd like a blood test to check my hormone levels which she agreed to. To be honest I think she saw the notes on my medical file regarding my extreme anger issues and that I've been known to turn green, burst out of my shirt and run down streets smashing buildings and cars, otherwise she may have never agreed.

Waiting for results I decided to take measures into my own hands and my boyfriend, bless him is a god-send. Whenever I'm in distress he does everything he can to find a resolution. Do you know he probably knows more about Afro hair than me! To be honest I think he knows more about black women than I do! I should start calling him Tyrone and he can be my fabulous, male hairdresser/lifestyle coach, like the fabulous diva's the ladies from The Real Housewives of Atlanta have hanging around. 

For the past 8 or so weeks I've been using a shampoo, conditioner and thickening mist by a company called Shea Moisture, this is an all natural shampoo containing amazing ingredients such as Biotin, coconut oil and silk protein. I use this combination of treatments around once or twice a week to restore the moisture in my hair and to promote growth. I also use Sweet Almond Oil which I bought from Holland and Barret this I also use daily, once a week I'll heat the oil and leave it in my hair for 30-45 minutes just as a deep treatment and three times a week before bed I'll spend about 15 minutes massaging it into my hair focusing on the roots where my hair is driest. I'm taking Skin, Hair and Nail Vitamins daily which I buy from Boots and I use a lovely, little home-made hair oil from Etsy on occasion. Here's a list of other measures I'm taking to help:

• I've switched to a low-sugar diet
• I've reduced my stress levels by exercising regularly, including meditation
• When it rains I'm not so quick to grab my brolly. My Mum always told me stories of how she used to wash her hair with rain water back when she was in Jamaica, so I kind of just leave my umbrella in my bag unless its absolutely pelting down
• I wear a Durag to bed or sleep on a silk pillow to minimise the harsh friction of my hair rubbing against the material as this can cause hair to fall out, and even though I look like a criminal wearing it it has worked wonders and there's hardly ever a hair on my pillow in the morning
• I use a wide-tooth comb to brush so it's not dragging my hair out from the roots or irritating the scalp
• To bathe and shower I have the temperature cooler as the heat from the water causes hair to dry out which in turn causes the brittle hair to break and fallout

Since switching up my hair regime in combination with the products and treatments I've been using, over the past 8 weeks I have seen a real difference in the condition of my hair. My hair now grows a lot faster and I've found it's becoming thicker, especially at my crown. My hair still gets quite dry but overall the products I use have restored some moisture and my hair is never as dry as it once was. When I brush less hair falls out, sometimes none at all and I've found that my scalp is less tender. 

I still have such a long way to go with this but I am so happy to be on track. I know what works for me and I know it's not just about what I put in my hair but what goes into my body is a huge factor too, so a balanced diet is a must. I still sometimes cry when I see what my hair has become but when I compare it to a few weeks ago it's not really that bad, it's just another experience to add to my book of 'Story's to tell the Grandchildren'.

Have you experienced anything similar? How did you deal with it? Have you got any tips?

Thanks for reading

Love Beanie xoxo

Valentines Day Lingerie Review - Very.co.uk

The awesome, misery-free but still slightly miserable lover in me did enjoy a lovely, relaxed weekend with my dude. We exchanged gifts on Friday night, had a lovely meal, chilled out and watched some quite violent films. On Valentines Day we had the longest lie-in of my entire life and pretty much spent the rest of the day talking, eating and just enjoying eachothers company. We did have a fancy meal planned and I had bought some 'special' items for when we got home, but once we were all settled I kind of didn't fancy it. 

So, the special items I purchased were nothing too exciting I'm afraid just some lingerie to spice things up. I honestly didn't mean to use the phrase 'spice things up' I feel like I've just aged myself by about 30 years. 

Anywhoo back to the lingerie. I love looking nice not just for my boyf but for myself, mostly for myself. I think it's really important to dress to impress yourself. If like me you are your harshest critic then impressing and feeling good about yourself is most definitely the way forward. I think that's what looks sexiest on a person. I'm a girl with more to love (another phrase used by the over 50's) so when choosing underwear it's important that I'm feeling myself (no pun intended) before boyfy feels me (pun intended). I mean what's the point in feeling unhappy with how you look especially when dressing for sexy-fun times? I have set rules when buying 'fun times' underwear:

1. Always take in more than one size to try - There is no shame whatsoever in having to size up. 

2. Once you get the item on, if you are smiling, buy it!

3. Once you get the item on, if you can't stop dancing and singing songs relating to body parts such as Rack City or Anaconda, buy it!

4. If you can do the truffle shuffle and still feel amazing, buy it!

5. Never compare yourself to anyone. You are you and whatever you are wearing is meant to look the way it does on you. The girl from instagram you've seen wearing it is also very beautiful but she isn't a spokeswoman for the brand nor is she a guideline for how the item should look. Set your own beauty standards and live by them. 

6. Try something different, you'll be surprised how much you'll learn by stepping outside your comfort zone.

7. Add heels, red lips and big hair - ALWAYS.

8. If you want to spend the night alone looking at yourself, you've won! This isn't vain nor is it arrogant, this is self-love and this isn't a sin. Preach!

I'd ordered my items from Very because I'd been so busy with work I pretty much left it until the last minute and needed to order from somewhere with next day delivery. Sometimes being blessed enough to have huge cans can feel like you've not been blessed at all especially when it comes to buying underwear. I have a smaller waist/back size in comparison to my jug size so it can be a nightmare, although not as bad as it used to be. Not at all like the time when I was 15, outgrew wearing Mum's bra's and had to move on to my Nans because nowhere at all stocked my size! I am also used to paying for the quality of really good, well fitting underwear. 

Of the three items purchased I was most impressed with the Plunged Lace body by Sorbet. It was really flattering especially in the bum area. I couldn't stop singing Anaconda when I had this one on. It has quite a low, scooped back with adjustable straps so it really did flatter and not flatten. The front is plunged with a little ribbon to keep it together, which my boobs almost Hulk-smashed out of but it does give a really nice cleavage. I went a size smaller for this and it was perfect. It looks lovely with sheer hold-ups, red lips and big Hollywood curls.

My least favourite also by Sorbet was a Lace basque. I ordered my actual size as it's cupped and works on actual bra size, but considering the cup size was quite big the body part was terribly small. The material felt cheap and the thong that came with it... I have no words. It looked like something you'd see on the floor in Piccadilly on a Sunday morning. Hardly Agent Provocateur  but then again I hadn't really splashed out. I think it could have worked had it have been a little truer to size or even if there was the option to go bigger. I'd probably try this style again as it's great if you want to show off your boobs, legs and bum and cover up around the midriff.

Boyfy's favourite was the Anne Summers fringed black dress named Valerie, same name as my Mum which is quite disturbing. This was a lovely fit, flattering and displayed enough in the right places which is always a good thing. The only thing I didn't like about this was it didn't really look right with hold-ups, which I LOVE but it did get the seal of approval from the mister and I did feel lovely wearing it. This appeals to my more gothic side so I'd have had my hair in a sleek, bone straight pony with deep purple lips and the highest heels known to man.

Well I guess two out of three aint bad and I definitely can't fault Very who delivered on time as usual, always on call for the busy, the forgetful and the indesicive.

Hope you lovers had a lovely Valentines Day.

Love Beanie x x

Poletastic - Back to class and my first pole-related injury

I haven't kept you up to date on my poling shenanigans lately. Well I was very naughty and last year at the height of my weightloss and super-strength I stopped going to class. This was probably around June/July time. Looking back I feel like I hit a brick wall and just found myself in a bit of a funk. Not just with pole dance but with life in general which is really annoying because I literally forget about my problems when I'm pole dancing so the fact is I pushed myself into that little rut, as always. 

Even though I stopped attending class, I didn't give up at home, well after a few weeks of moping around I got back on my beloved pole and really pushed myself and I've achieved so much since last year even though there were times I felt like I was getting nowhere, when I look back in my notebook at spins I struggled with I really do believe I have come on leaps and bounds. 

I've really found the style of pole I'm looking for, so I'm still really focusing on the exotic style of pole dance. I love how competitive a sport it can be and how there are so many techniques and tricks to learn, but for me as a lover of music and dance the more exotic style of pole dance is definitely the one for me. 

I spend a lot of time listening to music, I always have. So what I really enjoy doing is putting on a song or my pole playlist and I just let my body move. I spin, I twirl, I pout and I toss my hair. Sometimes I dance without heels but a lot of the time it's with. I love my Pleasers and they just add so much more sexiness to the affair. I also find it really satisfying to put on an songs I've never heard before and just really go for it. That's when I learn the most and has massively improved my floorwork too. My plowover is looking alright so I've stepped it up to a one-handed plowover and I'm just working on leg variations which tends to look like I'm trying to kick my way out of some kind of acid bath, legs everywhere. My floorwork inspiration comes from Eva Bembo, Olga Koda. They are my absolute favourites! Also inspiring me to get more flexy, these ladies are so bendy it's unreal! (Video courtesy of Eva Bembo)
 

 

I have unreal pole-goals for this year as I mentioned getting more flexible is top of the list. I am determined to get my splits by the end of the year and I'm also working on my back flexibility, it just looks so impressive. I'm still no closer to inverting but I'm one step closer to being completely upside down, I just need to understand and learn how to grip with my thighs but for now I think it's important to focus and improve on what I can do mainly because it makes me feel good and I spend less time beating myself up about other beginners being better than me which is a HUGE problem. Only child, used to being the best at everything, really competitive and it will be the ruin of me, so by focusing on what I can do I'm still challenging myself and I'm still winning. My life is absolutely like Foxcatcher and Whiplash right now, which is off topic but you have to go and see both films.

I'm feeling really proud of myself at the moment too because I have my first pole injury! A broken toe. Yup, I'm in so much pain but it was so worth it. I tried to to a twisted grip/one-handed handstand, I mean I've gone from a beginners handstand to a full handstand so my next big push had to be a twisted-grip handstand (Video courtesy of Sophisticated Pole) Well let me tell you, the first time I did it, I managed to get my entire body in the air, hooked my inside leg onto the pole, outside leg was swinging around like it was actually trying to detach itself from my body and make a run for it, at which point I was so confused trying to figure out what exactly I needed to do to get the top half of my body back on the ground where it was meant to be. I kind of lowered the arm not on the pole, inside leg slides down the pole and voila, saved by my face. Guys, my face broke my fall. It was like there was no gravity at all and then all of a sudden, gravity was back in the room and I was making out with the floor. You know like the scene in Witches of Eastwick when Sukie, Jane and Alex are floating around and all of a sudden they come crashing back down to earth only they landed in a beautiful, indoor pool whereas I landed on the coldest, hardest laminate floor. Again, in case you didn't hear me...with my face. 

Undeterred by the first traumatic experience, I've gone in for another and rather than hooking my left foot onto the pole like before, being the cool kids that they are, my foot and the pole have high-fived as if they were both in on some kind of prank the lower half of my body (including my brain) had no idea about, which in turn has pushed me back down full force and as I'm coming down I'm thinking, 'I'm pretty sure I've not slid the couch out of the way.' Annnnnd at that moment I've slammed my toes onto the arm of the sofa, which you would think is quite soft, it isn't. Now with the sheer force and my entire weight on one toe, I wasn't really going to come out of that uninjured was I? The pain didn't actually hit me until I drew breath and the vomit rose up from the deepest depths of stomach/you should be dead but you're not hell, my eyes watered and then a pain worse than anything any character in the Saw movies has been through took over my entire foot. NO, my entire soul. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm still debating whether I actually died for a few seconds or not. I'm surprised I can't see dead people, walking around like real people.

Anyway I stupidly went to work on the the following day and it just wasn't feeling any better. By Tuesday it was a lovely shade of purple and I could just about fit it into a trainer it had swollen that much. I went to A&E had an X Ray and I was told I have a slight break/fracture, but honestly all I heard was we were going to cut your foot off but you've actually been dead for two days, this was after I freaked out because the DR asked me to sit on a bed and I asked him if he was going to cart me away on it, you're right. I didn't ask I kind of yelled. 

Luckily I had my very rational boyfriend with me and because I blacked out from my mental breakdown while the Dr was talking, Ben kindly reiterated that I've been told to keep off it until the swelling goes down and then it'll need exercising. So no poling for a while (which made me cry) as it could turn into a full break if I even slightly bang it again while it's healing. I keep looking at my sofa like it's killed my entire family I honestly don't know how me and the sofa can move on from this, it's kind of like the time I trapped my finger in our garden gate and spent days stood at my Mums bedroom window staring it down, plotting my revenge which was melting it down into a metal ball and tossing it into the Ocean, which I also have beef with after the time I drowned to death in Anglesey, but that's another story. Nevertheless it hasn't put me off wanting to try the handstand again only this time I'll wait for Ben to spot me, like I was meant to the first time.

So yeah,  I'm back at class and I couldn't be happier. Lots of new fun and friendly faces and quite obviously the best teacher in the world.

What have you guys been up to? Any injuries or success? Any advice? Let me know :) Leave a comment! 

Love Beanie xoxo

We're getting married!

I thought I'd start the New Year off with some fun, happy news. Even though the title pretty much gives it away, Ben and I are (finally) getting married this year! We've been together for eight years now and have been engaged for four so marriage has always been on the cards but for us there was never any rush, but now the time just feels right and it was definitely a mutual decision, I didn't have to threaten him in any way (for once.) I'll tell you how we came to the decision, before our trip to New York Ben had mentioned that he'd like to get married there just the two of us. This was the plan for about two weeks and I would have been so happy with that choice for both Ben and myself but the truth is a lot of people think a lot of us who would be so happy for us but also so sad not to be a part of our day my Mum and Nan at the top of that list. So he gave me the go ahead for a traditional wedding and we got to planning! 

Thankfully, I'm an only child (Mum's only child) which is has worked in my favour always, especially come birthdays and Christmas and just for general daughter-appreciation which I can never get enough of. Although it's not so great when it comes to things like weddings. I don't feel pressured in the slightest (maybe a little bit) because there's been nobody before me to set the bar for me. I'm my own setter of standards and I'm not going to lie, I'm a mess! Like some kind of foolish rebel, that's most definitely the best way to describe it. It just means that I've been the only one my Mum saw graduate and I'm the only child she'll see walk down the isle so not only am I planning this wedding, I'm really wanting to make it as special for her and my Nanny as it is for me and Ben.

I've had to attend wedding shows, sit in and watch girlie wedding films, you know the whole shebang. Not that I mind, it's lovely seeing my Mum happy. I'm just not one of those screechy, let's shout 'Oh my god I'm getting married' every three seconds kind of brides-to-be. I'm more of a Lord Voldermort kind of wedding girl. You know, the kind that acts all cool, wears black everywhere, doesn't break into a sweat at the sight of a ruffle but will shout 'Avada Kedavra' in your face with absolute intent to kill if you dare attempt to purchase the last discount Swarovski tiara I've been hovering around right in front of my eyes.You know, the psycho-kind. You've never in your life seen anything like it. I'm actually so thankful right now that I am not etching this blog post into a cell wall. I'm all kinds of crazy but absolutely over-the-moon. I find I'm having to admit this more often than I'd like as people ask me, their eyes filled with excitement 'Is this what you've been dreaming of all you life?' Or other silly, cliche statements like, 'This is every little girls dream!' I kind of want to say,  firstly I've never been little even as a 6 year old child, I was quite the size of a fully grown adult and secondly what is this? The 1950's?! No friend (I say friend because they aren't my friend it's a woman who's all up in my personal space in the Magazine isle in WH Smith, while I browse through wedding magazines on my lunch break), it wasn't my dream! Honestly, when I was a little girl I dreamt about being older so I could eat all of the chips and donuts one could possibly manage (which explains why I'm struggling to fit into the style of dress I want.) I dreamt of having a fabulous job, with a German Shepherd and at least three boyfriends. I actually blame 90's TV for the last one. I couldn't choose between AC Slater (Saved by the Bell), Dean Cain (Superman) and Richard Gere. I know I sound so miserable, I'm not. I'm so happy but you all must understand this is something I've only wanted since getting with Ben. He's changed me. I'm a changed woman! I guess I didn't think there was anybody crazy enough to want to be with a three-timing, former baby prostitute (thanks Pretty Woman!)

So yeah, I've been indulging in all of the fancy, girliness that comes with wedding planning. It was lovely attending the National Wedding show with my Mum. We had the best time! It was really nice to see her so involved and I feel like she's happy she's done her job right but she's mostly happy because now this brown, bundle of insanity is somebody else's problem! 

I highly recommend attending wedding shows, I mean you don't have to do a gazillion but one or two definitely. For the experience, the fun of it all and just to get an idea of what there is to offer. I had absolutely everything planned and since making the choice, I knew what style dress I wanted, how my venue would look, where the venue would be everything. But the minute I stepped into that wedding show I realised that maybe some ideas wouldn't work as I'd hoped and just that there are more options out there. It's good because unlike trawling the net you can see everything in front of you, there are people there to talk to directly and although it gets a little busy there's all kinds of things to look at,  feel and try on. I definitely recommend front row seats at the catwalk show too! Amazing! So make sure you check the timetable, grab yourself a glass of bubbly and get yourself seats on the front row.

What I did was took information pack from all of the exhibitors, even if I wasn't particularly interested in what they had to offer. I came home and sorted everything into categories and stuck them inside my folder, my very big, pink folder. I might be a wedding Nazi but I am still a girl darn it! This made it easy for me as whatever I wanted to look up I knew exactly where to go in my folder, making notes on each if I'd been in contact and got quotes or arranged to visit also eliminating the useless stuff as I went along. 

So where I'm at now, approximately two months after attending the wedding show and nine months before our big day. I have my dress, chosen, venues booked, bridesmaids sorted and flowers picked just to list a few. I'm a super-organised person so this behaviour is normal. In my experience so far I would say that if you're more of a laid-back person I wouldn't worry too much about not having everything done just yet. Just the main priorities like venues and such and make sure you ask whoever you want to be your Maid of honor, because if yours is anything like mine you won't really need to worry about a thing! What I plan on doing next is another trying on of dresses including the one I have chosen just to make sure. I'll be attending church every other Sunday (massively important for me and my family). Ben will be looking for anywhere he fancies for a honeymoon and I'll be attending my last Wedding Show next weekend just for a bit of fun with my bridesmaids. Killing-curse at the ready, just in case some over excited bride-to-be beats me to a bargain.

Are you getting married this year? Have you been to any wedding shows? Have any advice?

Until next time my pretties

Lots of love Beanie xoxo

Beanie and Ben take New York

It's been about two months since I returned from the Big Apple with my beau. And all I can say is we had an amazing time. The trip was a birthday treat and I definitely couldn't have spent it with a more perfect person (he bought me things so I'd say that.)

New York is everything! It's the everything I hoped for and more. From our extremely fabulous and comfortable flight with BA which might I add, we shared with Jessie J who happened to be stood directly behind me in our queue on to the plane. She did ask for photo, but I had no time as I was ushered to my economy seat and she made her way up what I called the stairway to heaven. That's the upper section of the aircraft, it looked golden and beautiful and I know for a fact they had beds AND WiFi because I may or may not have depressed myself when booking by checking out how much it would cost for me to not sit next to people.

We spent a lovely five days in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. We were close by to most places including the Museum Mile which was my absolutely favourite day out, Central Park, Times Square, 5th and Park Ave. We decided not to stay in a hotel and hadn't planned on doing much of the typical sight-seeing, purely because we didn't want to be overly touristy and wanted to live like New Yorkers. We found our apartment using Airbnb, perfect for us. A cosy Carrie Bradshaw (Pre-Big) style apartment from which we drank champagne and ate birthday cupcakes. Again perfectly situated on 1st Avenue surrounded by lots of eateries, coffee shops, bars and retail stores.

During the five days we spent in the city Ben and I didn't really stick to any solid plans and really just went with the flow. We took trips to the Met Museum, Guggenheim and Natural History Museum. The Met really was my favourite as it has everything! I fell in love with a collection of furniture and pieces taken from old French hotels such as the Boiserie from Hotel De Cabris in Grasse along with the Grand Salon and Boiserie taken from hotels De Tesse and De Varengeville Paris. Needless to say after seeing such beautiful rooms the budget for our wedding had tripled in price!

We enjoyed a trip to Times Square which in all honesty was fab. It wasn't my favourite place to be but funnily enough was my favourite place to shop (and Bubba Gumps wasn't too bad either). I loved Forever21 and Urban Outfitters. I'm not fond at all of our UK Urban Outfitters and in the however many years our Manchester store has been open I can say I've probably visit the place no more than twice. Now, in New York I visit the store three times in five days! Honestly the vibe and set up is completely different than in the UK. I spent most of my time in the beauty section where it was like being a kid in a candy store. The product range is out of this world! Everything from Stila to Lime Crime and lots of cute Japanese brands too. The place is amazing and on my second trip there I was interviewed by a New York beauty magazine complete with a mini photo-shoot. What an amazing experience!

We were lucky enough to experience the New York Marathon and the atmosphere that day was great! Our apartment fire escape was situated right in the heart of it so Ben (the dude) and I managed to get our very own, front row seats. The city was on a natural high, everybody was happy and for me this was the experience I was looking for and somehow we managed to find it without even looking.

We walked everywhere and despite working hard to make room for a little extra weight before leaving for our trip, I somehow managed to come home 3lbs lighter. We took a long stroll through Central Park, for a lover of all things Autumn this was the perfect day. We had lunch at the ever-famous Boat House and continued our journey through the most beautiful park I've been in. It was so nice to watch the performers and I obviously lost my mind on more than one occasion when I realised I was walking through real movie locations. I think I managed to reenact scenes from Sweet Charity, Maid In Manhattan, Sex and the City and Home Alone to name a few. At one point I hid behind a rock and recreated a scene from Limitless and I definitely know I shouted out a few quotes from the Warriors but who cares?! In such a beautiful city there's bound to be a couple of thousand crazies and I was definitely one.

I could go on forever, but I'll let some of my favourite pictures do the talking. New York is the place to be and in five days I only scratched the surface. I fell in love and left a piece of my heart there. I honestly can't think of a better way of celebrating getting old.

I've added a few more photo's ... hope you like!

Love Beanie x x